Please Note: My adventure took place from January to February of 2020. This post has been revamped and revised to look awesome. For more escapades, check out our “Lifestyle” section.
For those who know me personally, you know that travel runs in my blood. At the beginning of 2020, before things turned insane, my family took our final cruise. With how much has changed during and after the pandemic, I don’t think we will be partaking in them anymore. During 2020, I also moved. Twice. So I’m sure you can imagine how crazy things were. I wrote a daily log about my adventures, but unfortunately, some pages were lost. All I have left are days one through three, which I would love to share with you. The cruise embarked from Jamaica and sailed to Central and South America. We reached Panama, Colombia, and Costa Rica.
I also apologize for the long post. I figured it would be easier to shove it all into one article rather than spread it out.
Day 1: Boarding in Toronto to Montego Bay
My usual travel anxiety hit me for 5 days before I left. This time though, it was BAD! No sleep and no appetite. When I don’t want coffee or chocolate, that’s when I know it’s bad. As if dealing with that nightmare wasn’t already horrific enough, along comes my “beloved” shark week THE DAY before I go. Are you kidding me? Mother Nature has arrived and is making sure I am receiving my full wrath. I spent the whole day so nauseous, and in pain, and I physically couldn’t move. Alright, so messed up stomach? Check. Being female? Check. Misery? Double check. Vacationing should be a happy time….
The big day finally arrived and it felt like my anxiety was literally trying to murder me. Exhausted from lack of sleep, I stagger into the airport and am already greeted by hundreds of people wearing face masks. I guess the plague is here, guys!
The Fun Begins… Not Really
I figured after yesterday’s torture, I’d at least have some smooth sailing today. Hard no. Technology has failed us once again. My brother’s boarding pass was printed, no problem. Mine? Not so much. We had to seek an actual human. (Now I gotta be social at this ungodly hour.) The actual human’s computer was also down. Hurray! I don’t exist! By the time I finally got my boarding pass, we 3 hooligans already tampered with 4 different computers. My bag also got heavily strip-searched afterward. The security lady kept yelling at me “Where’s the perfume?” and I was there confused because I didn’t have any. Listen, lady, I don’t go on vacation to smell nice. I am au naturel. Turns out, I just forgot a water bottle in there, but boy was she ever intimidating.
I’m starving…
After that hectic fun, I did what any other logical and reasonable Canadian would do. TIM HORTONS!!!!! I crammed half a bagel and a chocolate chip muffin down my throat and prayed that my nightmare would be over soon. After a quick bathroom break, I realized that the Toronto airport really has an interesting music playlist. Sky Walker by Miguel was blaring through the speaker as I gathered my scattered thoughts and boarded the aircraft.
I honestly don’t understand that video they play before you take off. I already despise airplanes and I hate being on them, and all they show you is “safety”. Thanks bud, I didn’t know there was 100 different ways you could die, but now I know thanks to your video.
Just as I was trying to calm myself thinking we were ready for take-off, the plane got shut off. Some dude ran over the fuel line with the luggage cart so we had to gas up again. This ended up being a 1 hour delay. As pissed as I was at the time, this man actually ended up being a hero in disguise. Montego Bay had an Earthquake. If it wasn’t for this guy causing us a delay, we would’ve been stuck in the middle of it. Instead, we had to fly circles in the air until we were given the thumbs up that we could land. As I looked down, I could see a few psychopaths still swimming in the water below. I guess nothing was stopping them from their vacation, not even an earthquake.
I can’t stress this enough but I seriously HATE flying. The air in the plane is so goddamn dry and waiting for the bathroom is a nightmare. There’s only like 1-2 toilets for all the passengers. (With the exception of the first class who have their own.) So that was my creative way to pass the time… waiting for the bathroom.
We’ve Finally Arrived
After what seemed like forever, we finally landed. Sangster International Airport. A combination of scents wafted through the air as we entered a security checkpoint.
After enduring lineups that would even make the most patient of people crack, the 2 of us finally made it to the bus.
The journey was only supposed to take 15 minutes, but we decided to take the free Jamaican Traffic excursion. Why would we want to get to the cruise ship when we can experience the roads during rush hour? The driver was even handing out beers for $5 because he knew we’d all had a long day. 1.5 hours of this nonsense, and the ship was in sight. WE FINALLY MADE IT! My parents were already on the ship and were excitedly waving from the balcony. (They had taken the 2-week cruise and we joined for the second week.)
First stop, bathroom! Finally I can sit on a toilet instead of doing this weird Michael Jackson hover thing to avoid germs. As I was sitting there, I took in my surroundings. I was pretty shocked. How dare they only have body wash and bar soap. Everyone knows that the whole point of vacationing is to steal the toiletries. Also, you have to reach so far in front of you just to grab the toilet paper. It’s not short people friendly. I’m about 5 foot 5 and even I was struggling. I give this bathroom experience a 1 star. But hey, vacuum toilet!!!! (Hello my old friend!! You can read about my cruise adventure last year by clicking on this fancy link here.)
After that, I just ate dinner, took a few pictures, and went to bed. It was a long day for sure. Also, I wanted the next day to come faster. Lucky me, I had a full day to sleep in and scope out the buffet selection. I’m beyond excited to spend some time onboard the Marella Discovery 2.
Day 2: At Sea (Scoping out the Buffet… obviously)
Our first day on board was spent lounging around while we were at sea. Sounds nice doesn’t it? Today was a day dedicated to eating and doing absolutely nothing.
Anyways, fellow readers, I’m sure you all know why we gather every so often. FOOD!!!!!!! Let me tell you about my experiences with my tastebuds on the beautiful Marella Discovery 2.
The Buffet is Foodie Heaven
Despite the buffet being on the smaller side, it was damn delicious! A lot of British foods were served as well as other international delicacies. They also had separate areas with a few gluten-free items and sugar-free desserts for those with restrictions. Anything that was vegan or vegetarian was also labeled. Basically, there’s a little something for everyone.
The buffet repeated itself after a while if you kept walking. I find this a great feature because if they were out of something at one end, you could walk a bit further and find it fully stocked. Everyone deserves a second chance especially when it comes to filling your stomach. The eating area was also very clean and well-kept. All the employees had these backpack vacuum backpacks so they looked like Ghost Busters. WHO YOU GUNNA CALL?
Our rooms came with complimentary Yorkshire Tea which was refilled daily. I haven’t been able to hunt any down near where my home is so you better believe I stock piled it like no tomorrow. I must’ve left there with at least 100 bags minimum. Tea, anyone?
Day 3: Santa Marta, Colombia
After a delicious, warm breakfast, we got ready for our tour. My dad clearly didn’t learn from our last cruise and this smart man decided to use ancient sunscreen again. (His face was pure white after the application.) Hopefully, it doesn’t get seized at the airport again.
The 3 of us joined in on the Taste of Santa Marta tour. My brother, on the other hand, made a wise decision to stray away from us Hooligans and he did his own excursion.
If I were to be brutally honest with everyone, my first impression of this place wasn’t the greatest. There was a ton of barbed wire that covered the fences and a bunch of cops were just roaming around. It definitely set off a bunch of red flags in my mind. Regardless though, we still had a great time.
The ship docked by a freight yard so we couldn’t do our usual “roaming around after the tour”. I was totally ok with that though. The last thing I need is to get abducted or shot.
Let’s Head Out
Willy, our guide, was informative and cheerful as he took us through the bumpy, winding, desert-like roads. Unfortunately for us, his microphone wasn’t working properly so I couldn’t really understand what he was saying. Unless being surrounded by all these seniors was actually starting to make me go deaf…
Locals on motorbikes were zooming in and out of traffic without a care in the world. I’ve never seen more fearless individuals in my entire life. You’d almost think they were playing a VR video game or something.
Our first stop was at a park. Despite it being beautiful, it strangely reeked like urine. Anywhere we stepped, we were constantly being bombarded by families trying to sell stuff. We barely made it back on the bus. I legitimately thought they were going to start clawing at us like barbaric zombies.
The museum stop was also interesting to see. I love ancient artifacts and seeing different cultures. There weren’t too many photo ops, but it was still really cool to be there.
On the bus ride back to the ship, I noticed there were a lot of stray dogs roaming about. Please note: If I ever go missing, I more than likely have a dog sanctuary in Colombia. The ride back was nothing special so I decided to ask my dad for a piece of paper to make some rough notes for the blog. Yea, big mistake. He yells out “Oh, you need Toilet Paper?!” and then my mom chimes in “Oh, Lisa, I have wet wipes!!” …… Awesome. So now the entire bus probably thinks I have some bowel issue or something when all I just wanted was a paper.
Speaking of my dad, I’ve learned from him that 6 meals a day are an absolute MUST. After our tour ended, we decided to check out what they had at Tea Time. King Foodie and I always have the countdown going for the next time we get to stuff our face.
